I have to share this story...
From an experience in the Special Education School I work at:
This is an eight year old. Goofy kid really. He's got two buck-teeth that remind you of "Mater" in the movie "Cars". And oh...by the way... he tells a story (lie) at least once a minute! Anyway, here's the "story." We'll call him "Mater" :) (It's the best analogy I can think of...)
Our school was at an annual field day. We have only about 45 kids in our school, an intense behavioral and emotionally disturbed group. During the field day kids pick certain activities such as fishing, basketball, hiking, etc. "Mater" chose fishing.
Dialog:
Mater: I got one, I got one Mrs. G! (he tells one of the teaching staff).
Mrs. G: Pull it in Mater!
(Mater reeled it in...and got the fish on shore. He goes to touch the fish and says in astonishment...
Mater: Oh my God Mrs. G, the fish is WET!!!!!!!
That's our Mater...
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Raising Strong Kids Is Hard Work
It's not all peachy. Let me take a break from my "work" with children and reflect on my own parenting.
Trust me, it's not pretty at times. Parents have really the hardest job in the world! Parents give, then give a little more, then give even more, and sometimes, even if they give everything they have it's not enough! Parenting is like a Bad Credit Card with super high interest! It feels like it will never end!
But let's slow down...there must be an upside to all this!
Of course there is but it is hard to see, hear, and feel at times. So, how can parents like us survive? I thought about this for a while before writing today. Here's what I came up with today (30 minutes thought).
Trust me, it's not pretty at times. Parents have really the hardest job in the world! Parents give, then give a little more, then give even more, and sometimes, even if they give everything they have it's not enough! Parenting is like a Bad Credit Card with super high interest! It feels like it will never end!
But let's slow down...there must be an upside to all this!
Of course there is but it is hard to see, hear, and feel at times. So, how can parents like us survive? I thought about this for a while before writing today. Here's what I came up with today (30 minutes thought).
- Inoculate: Give yourself a prevention "shot". What's that? It's basically self talk and rehearsing that kids can be difficult, and will be difficult at times. Keeping yourself AWARE of this is therapy in itself.
- Time-Out!: Yes, you have permission to take time out. Be imaginative, get some time away with a friend, by yourself at a starbucks, or with your spouse! (Yes, it's sometimes good to spend time with the one you fell in love with).
- Read: reading about parenting, kids, and communication really can be helpful. Soon I will post a suggested reading list but please comment to this blog and suggest your own helpful reading too.
- Don't Label: Try not to label your child too quickly. I work in a world of "labeled" kids. "Emotionally Disturbed", "Behaviorallys Disturbed", "Learning Disabled", and the whole DSMIV Manual of Mental disorders...Don't label your kid...kids are kids..they are all different. Labels only help if you benefit from an understanding of it.
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
A Trying Day...
As I have mentioned before, I run a crisis intervention/support room for a special education school. The school houses 42 children ages 5-15. They are nearly all classified emotionally disturbed (ED). Some are multiply disabled and dually diagnosed kids (not in the classical sense of substance abuse and a mood disorder) with issues of mild to moderate mental retardation coupled with significant emotional disturbance.
Our school is specifically designed to challenge and change disruptive behavior and assist children who experience significant emotional breakdown in many innovative and standard ways. One thing that comes up ALL the time is the problem of discipline versus support.
I'll tell you right now, no one has more experience with this dilemma that I do. I'm not boasting and I'm not super proud of this. I'm just telling you that as a clinical social worker and crisis counselor, I receive over 1800 referrals each 10 month school year. These range from minor emotional/attitude/behavioral episodes to major explosive events.
There are many models of crisis intervention out there to help people prepare themselves for such intense events. And I do recommend that interested and involved professional take part in formal training for crisis intervention. At the same time, over years of practice I have found that it's not the training that leads to successful intervention. True, the ideas help significantly, IF USED PROPERLY. Most often, if boils down to a couple of basic, genuine, counseling skills. Maybe even just HUMAN skills.
1. Empathy
2. Attentive Listening Skills
3. Awareness of the people and environment (antecedents?)
4. The ability to shape and form a conversation, with or without! words!
Anyway, today was tough. Challenged by a "dually diagnosed" student who is borderline psychotic, mildly mentally retarded (yet very clever in a manipulative way). On top of this we had a 9 year old who developmentally is at a toddler level and having a behaviorally disruptive day. He was seen in crisis over 5 times and may have broken our $700 video camera, along with some personal items! All this over a math sheet asking him to add 7+2.
The students we see, like many others, are really really hard to write about. There are so many qualities that can't be described correctly. I suppose that if you were a professional writer and followed the work that we do you could somehow adequately describe the experience. Maybe.
Today was hard, last week was hard, last month was harder. I am on the lookout for hope, change, and action in the lives of the most difficult kids we serve.
Our school is specifically designed to challenge and change disruptive behavior and assist children who experience significant emotional breakdown in many innovative and standard ways. One thing that comes up ALL the time is the problem of discipline versus support.
I'll tell you right now, no one has more experience with this dilemma that I do. I'm not boasting and I'm not super proud of this. I'm just telling you that as a clinical social worker and crisis counselor, I receive over 1800 referrals each 10 month school year. These range from minor emotional/attitude/behavioral episodes to major explosive events.
There are many models of crisis intervention out there to help people prepare themselves for such intense events. And I do recommend that interested and involved professional take part in formal training for crisis intervention. At the same time, over years of practice I have found that it's not the training that leads to successful intervention. True, the ideas help significantly, IF USED PROPERLY. Most often, if boils down to a couple of basic, genuine, counseling skills. Maybe even just HUMAN skills.
1. Empathy
2. Attentive Listening Skills
3. Awareness of the people and environment (antecedents?)
4. The ability to shape and form a conversation, with or without! words!
Anyway, today was tough. Challenged by a "dually diagnosed" student who is borderline psychotic, mildly mentally retarded (yet very clever in a manipulative way). On top of this we had a 9 year old who developmentally is at a toddler level and having a behaviorally disruptive day. He was seen in crisis over 5 times and may have broken our $700 video camera, along with some personal items! All this over a math sheet asking him to add 7+2.
The students we see, like many others, are really really hard to write about. There are so many qualities that can't be described correctly. I suppose that if you were a professional writer and followed the work that we do you could somehow adequately describe the experience. Maybe.
Today was hard, last week was hard, last month was harder. I am on the lookout for hope, change, and action in the lives of the most difficult kids we serve.
Monday, June 11, 2007
Kid Quote Memories
I didn't think of adding a section to this blog about the most fun and enchanting quotes that kids make. I should have! It occurred to me and many teachers I work with that we should have been writing down the most hilarious and funny quotes from the kids we parent and work with...we'd have a book already!
Anyway, to correct this mistake, I started a new blog about "Enchanting Kids." The idea being to catalog and record the everyday statements, quotes, and one liners that just floor us as parents and professionals!
You can check out the new blog HERE!
Anyway, to correct this mistake, I started a new blog about "Enchanting Kids." The idea being to catalog and record the everyday statements, quotes, and one liners that just floor us as parents and professionals!
You can check out the new blog HERE!
Saturday, June 9, 2007
Recording Our Kids
Wow...
For the last 15 years I have worked with some of the most challenging youth in society. No big deal, but you know sometimes I wished I had recorded the things they say!
Kids say the most amazing things. Some say things that stop you in your tracks because the message is so real, so simple, and so true. Some say things that are from another galaxy and make no sense...to us.
Whatever they say...it can be hilarious! Funny enough to record and document I think. So that's what I am starting to do at "Enchanting Kids" blog. Please, PLEASE, feel free to add your experiences as a parent, teacher, nurse, counselor, language specialist, psychologist, social worker, principal, or any other kid related person!
Everyone I talk to has a story to share about kids. Share yours...
Until next time..
For the last 15 years I have worked with some of the most challenging youth in society. No big deal, but you know sometimes I wished I had recorded the things they say!
Kids say the most amazing things. Some say things that stop you in your tracks because the message is so real, so simple, and so true. Some say things that are from another galaxy and make no sense...to us.
Whatever they say...it can be hilarious! Funny enough to record and document I think. So that's what I am starting to do at "Enchanting Kids" blog. Please, PLEASE, feel free to add your experiences as a parent, teacher, nurse, counselor, language specialist, psychologist, social worker, principal, or any other kid related person!
Everyone I talk to has a story to share about kids. Share yours...
Until next time..
Tuesday, June 5, 2007
A Fishing Trip
You might have noticed I haven't posted in a couple of days. Here's what I was doing:
I flew south to the Florida-Gulf-Coast intending an annual Tarpon Fishing trip with my father. Fishing is a great family activity and there no better sport fish in the world than Tarpon. Each year tens of thousands of Tarpon move into the Boca Grande Pass on the gulf coast. They are there for a couple of months in a feeding frenzy (bunches of blue crabs).
Anyway, the trip was terrific except for the surprise Tropical Storm Barry that hit the area! But the whether calmed and we got out for some great fishing the next day.
Sorry for the absence, but strong families are made of connections and rituals like this fishing trip.
Young or old, it brings back the same feelings and way of connecting.
I flew south to the Florida-Gulf-Coast intending an annual Tarpon Fishing trip with my father. Fishing is a great family activity and there no better sport fish in the world than Tarpon. Each year tens of thousands of Tarpon move into the Boca Grande Pass on the gulf coast. They are there for a couple of months in a feeding frenzy (bunches of blue crabs).
Anyway, the trip was terrific except for the surprise Tropical Storm Barry that hit the area! But the whether calmed and we got out for some great fishing the next day.
Sorry for the absence, but strong families are made of connections and rituals like this fishing trip.
Young or old, it brings back the same feelings and way of connecting.
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